Secret Keeper

by Kathryn Cloward

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about

In a time when many people are thirsty for understanding, Kathryn Cloward pours out her heart and dives deeper into revealing her truth in Secret Keeper — to help others know they are not alone. This 11-song collection will resonate with anyone who is braving love, moving beyond deception, and courageously healing emotional wounds with the hope of cultivating authentic sustainable personal freedom. Cloward articulates the internal struggle of shifting through the layers of romantic endings in “Wild Horse,” “Easy For You,” and “It Is Time,” and focuses on the empowerment of rising strong in “Just Friends,” “Ace of Spades,” and “Run.” She shares the full spectrum of her personal transformation in the title track, “Secret Keeper,” a song written for her own healing and shared to support the healing of others. The album ends appropriately with the acceptance of nurturing love in “New Moon.”

credits

released July 11, 2017

© 2017 Kathryn Cloward | ℗ 2017 Kandon Unlimited, Inc.
All song written by Kathryn Cloward
Song 9 music co-written by Barry Rosenbaum (John Rosenbaum & Katie Rosenbaum)

Executive Producer – Kathryn Cloward
Produced, Recorded & Mixed by Jeff Berkley
Mastered By Gavin Lurssen

Jeff Berkley — Acoustic & Electric Guitars
Josh Hermsmier — Drums
Marc Intravaia — Acoustic Guitar
Rick Nash — Bass
Doug Pettibone — Pedal Steel
Jim Soldi - Electric Guitar
Sharon Whyte — Organ, Piano & Backing Vocals

Graphic design by Molly Alice Hoy
Photo from Cloward family album

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about

Kathryn Cloward San Diego, California

Recipient of two Best Song Awards at the 2017 Indie Music Channel Awards and Best Americana Artist by Indie Music Channel’s 2016 Radio Music Awards, Kathryn Cloward is bringing forth a fresh perspective of lyrical storytelling that’s well received by people of all ages across multiple musical genres. ... more

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Track Name: Just Friends
Just Friends
Lyrics and music written by Kathryn Cloward

Why are you here
There’s nothing left to say
It’s clear to me now
And there’s just no way
Oh I wish I knew then
How much of a lie it was when
I asked you about her
And you said you were just friends
You said you were just friends

Swept away
Fell fast
Cultivated hope
Enough to last

In the space between
Truth and lies
Valleys and peaks
Trust compromised
No sooner than it started
We came to end
And all your I love you’s won’t change
That you’re not just friends
You’re not just friends

It’s always a crafty move
Dancing with deception and desire
Convincing yourself
You could walk in fire
Yes I’ll be all right
Time always mends
And no I don’t want to be
Just friends
I don’t want to be just friends

Swept away
Fell fast
Cultivated hope
Enough to last

In the space between
Truth and lies
Valleys and peaks
Trust compromised
No sooner than it started
We came to end
And all your I love you’s won’t change
That you’re not just friends
You’re not just friends

Moon rising kingdoms
With rocky terrain
Scouts and ravens
Some things never change
In the space between
Truth and lies
Valleys and peaks
Trust compromised
No sooner than it started
We came to end
And all your I love you’s won’t change
That you’re not just friends
You’re not just friends

I don’t want to be just friends
Track Name: Ace of Spades
Ace of Spades
Lyrics and music written by Kathryn Cloward

You’re chasing demons
And shutting me out
Blaming me for choices
You couldn’t live without
You say you’re not lying
It’s a mirage inside your mind
Smoking up screens
From truth you don’t want me to find

Joker’s wild it’s a fool’s game
You thought you could play me just the same
Even with my queen of hearts
You bluffed me from the start
But I’m more powerful than the king you played
I’m the ace of spade

I questioned your cards
Then ignored for ten days
It was a clear tell
Alerting me to your ways
But I doubled down
To remain in the game
Then I forced a fold
When I got more of the same

Joker’s wild it’s a fool’s game
You thought you could play me just the same
Even with my queen of hearts
You bluffed me from the start
But I’m more powerful than the king you played
I’m the ace of spade

Diamonds clubs hearts and spades
All the games people play
Diamonds club hearts and spades
Cash it out and walk away

Joker’s wild it’s a fool’s game
You thought you could play me just the same
Even with my queen of hearts
You bluffed me from the start
But I’m more powerful than the king you played
I’m the ace of spade

Yes, I’m the ace of spade
Track Name: Wild Horse
Wild Horse
Lyrics and music written by Kathryn Cloward


I fell in love with a wild horse
A man created to roam and run free
Never one to be saddled or harnessed
Not even with the love of a woman like me

I hoped that I could one day tame him
But no matter how hard I tried
A wild horse can’t be kept
He’s not meant for a stable life

Ohhh I let him go
But the truth is he was never mine to hold
Ohhh I loved him so
But a wild horse is no good for me I know

For a while I took what I could get
It felt like enough at the time
But all I did was wait until
Sitting on the fence was no longer fine

Being disappointed by his nature
Was simply my mistake
Cuz loving a wild horse always brings
Excitement followed by heartache

Ohhh I let him go
But the truth is he was never mine to hold
Ohhh I loved him so
But a wild horse is no good for me I know

Ohhh I let him go
But the truth is he was never mine to hold
Ohhh I loved him so
But a wild horse is no good for me I know

Wild horse
I let him go
Wild horse
No good for me I know
(repeat 4 times and fade out)
Track Name: Easy For You
Easy For You
Lyrics and music written by Kathryn Cloward

I’ve been having a hard time
Accepting what is true
But now I see clearly
And your new address is proof
You tell me you still love me
I know that’s your way
But actions hold truth
Beyond just the words we say

Was it easy for you
To let me go
Do you feel safe now
Back with what you know
Was I just a test
Medicine for your loneliness
Cured and renewed
Was it easy for you

We had one last day
And oh it felt so right
But the wiggling fish is slippery
In an unwinnable fight
Before me a net had been woven
Your safety with sharp hooks
Despite all you want me to believe
It’s exactly how it looks

Was it easy for you
To let me go
Do you feel safe now
Back with what you know
Was I just a test
Medicine for your loneliness
Cured and renewed
Was it easy for you

No I don’t want to see you
It’s the healthier way to be
In time I will heal and move on
Even if it’s not easy for me

Was it easy for you
To let me go
Do you feel safe now
Back with what you know
Was I just a test
Medicine for your loneliness
Cured and renewed
Was it easy for you

Was it easy for you
Track Name: I Feel Lonely Loving You
I Feel Lonely Loving You
Lyrics and music written by Kathryn Cloward

I was just fine before I let you in
I was happy with my simple living
You walked in and everything changed
But your life you wouldn’t rearrange

I feel lonely loving you
I feel lonely loving you
It doesn’t matter what I do
I feel lonely loving you

With you I drifted into love like never before
With you my heart was a wide open door
You’d tell me that you are on my side
How can that be true when I’m something you hide

I feel lonely loving you
I feel lonely loving you
It doesn’t matter what I do
I feel lonely loving you

I can’t let what’s on my mind flow through
I can’t let my dreams include you
Cuz the truth of what is now I see
You’d have to move mountains to be with me

I feel lonely loving you
I feel lonely loving you
It doesn’t matter what I do
I feel lonely loving you

I feel lonely loving you
Track Name: Secret Keeper
Secret Keeper
Lyrics and music written by Kathryn Cloward


Be a good little girl don’t tell anyone
It’ll be our little secret just me and you having fun
Hidden in my closet that’s where he’d play
Why didn’t anyone notice it was the middle of the day
So I held it all inside and cried on my own
There was no one I could tell I felt so alone
I felt so alone

I’m a secret keeper I compartmentalize
I keep moving forward as I dry my eyes
I’m a secret keeper it’s a lonely road
Hiding what is true is a heavy load

Thirty years later that little girl is me
I grew up to live the life a script followed carefully
But all along the way over and over again
I found myself living the same pattern
Secrets I held for others and some I created
Deception and hiding are a lonely prison
A lonely prison

I’m a secret keeper yearning to be free
The cry of my spirit needs trust and safety
I’m a secret keeper but I don’t want to be
Will this ever go away I don’t want it to define me

Healing and forgiveness gave me freedom at last
Secrets no longer harness me to my past
Then I met a man who wanted me to be
All for himself but our love hidden in secrecy
It didn’t feel right like a wool coat in summer’s heat
I wouldn’t be the secret he wanted me to keep
No I wouldn’t be

I’m not a secret keeper I won’t compartmentalize
I’ll keep moving forward even w/tears in my eyes
I’m not a secret keeper it’s a beautiful road
I’ll never hide again what’s not healthy to hold
I’m not a secret keeper I’ve set myself free
My spirit’s finally soaring because I chose to love me
I’m not a secret keeper that little girl in me
Is living the simple life in peace and honesty
Yes in peace and honesty
Track Name: Three Months
Three Months
Lyrics and music written by Kathryn Cloward

It was three months of loving you
And it’s been three months since we were through
When the memories find their way to me
I remember how with you I felt free

Perhaps it was just a fling
A season to grow new wings
But no matter how many days
It changed me in so many ways

Summer fall winter and spring
Change is what the seasons bring
Summer fall winter and spring
Three months can change everything

I didn’t know how to tell you
So I held it all inside
By the week when I was ready
That part of us said goodbye

How do you explain a loss
Of love so deep so fast
But when it’s part of you
The feelings always last

Summer fall winter and spring
Change is what the seasons bring
Summer fall winter and spring
Three months can change everything

There was heat in the summer
I was broken in the fall
Cocooned through winter
Renewed by spring’s call

Summer fall winter and spring
Change is what the seasons bring
Summer fall winter and spring
Three months can change everything

Three months can change everything
Track Name: Run
Run
Lyrics and music written by Kathryn Cloward

So you say I went crazy
I know that’s how you survive
It’s easier to blame me
Than admit to everyone you lied
You project a perfect image
A shimmering heart of gold
But they don’t know your hiding
A secret I still hold

Yes you keep the beat
And ladies kiss your feet
But you and I both know
I closed the curtain on your show

So go on go on and have your fun
Cuz all you’ll ever do is
Run run run run run
Run run run run run
Run run run run run away

I was wounded for a while
Shocked by disrespect
You couldn’t face the music
Or man up I guess
And when the going got tough
You simply ran away
'Cuz there’s always another gig
Without honesty in the way

Yes you keep the beat
And ladies kiss your feet
But you and I both know
I closed the curtain on your show

So go on go on and have your fun
Cuz all you’ll ever do is
Run run run run run
Run run run run run
Run run run run run away

When the cymbals crash
And you’re tired at last
You’ll look back and see
The only one who protected you was me

So go on go on and have your fun
Cuz all you’ll ever do is
Run run run run run
Run run run run run
Run run run run run
Run run run run run
Run run run run run
Run run run run run away
Track Name: It Is Time
It Is Time
Written by Kathryn Cloward (author/composer)
Co-written by Barry Rosenbaum (composer)

I got used to our pattern of pain
As we looped around again and again
But now I know
There’s nothing else to do but go

It is time for me to move on
It is time to accept we are done
It is time to heal this wounded heart
It is time for a fresh start

I didn’t want to give up
I kept trying to save us
But every time I absorbed your blame
A part of me longer felt the same

It is time for me to move on
It is time to accept we are done
It is time to heal this wounded heart
It is time for a fresh start

Now packing up to say goodbye
I’m content because I tried
I trust it will all be fine
Oh in time

It is time for me to move on
It is time to accept we are done
It is time to heal this wounded heart
It is time for a fresh start
Track Name: Let's Stay
Let’s Stay
Lyrics and music written by Kathryn Cloward

Weeds grew in our garden
With all of your lies
You didn’t say what was true and I knew
By your shifty eyes
But I stayed
And I watered our lawn
As the seeds of deception grew
We just carried on
Cuz I stayed
Yes I stayed
I was afraid

You made me think that I was crazy
Tracking down the truth
I’d rage against my inner knowing
But butterflies led me to proof
Then I knew
That I had a choice to make
And it wasn’t going to be easy
The road I needed to take
So I stayed
Yes I stayed
I was afraid

So many sleepless nights
Wrestling with my fears
When nothing was blooming
And nothing was clear
Then I saw
Myself through my little boy’s eyes
And I knew we couldn’t stay
Behind these walls of lies
We couldn’t stay
No we couldn’t stay
And I wasn’t afraid

Now my little boy and I we’re together
Living joyfully
In a two-bedroom apartment
We have sanctuary
And one afternoon as we sat
And played a game
He smiled when he looked up at me
To say
Mama let’s stay
Yes let’s stay
I like it this way

Oh let’s stay
Let’s stay
I like it this way
Track Name: New Moon
New Moon
Lyrics and Music Written by Kathryn Cloward

You put me on a shelf
He puts me above everything else
You’d always tell me not today
He says nothing baby is in our way
You shut me out easily
He’s opened his world to be with me
You kept me hidden from your life
He’s proud to have me by his side

He’s everything you wouldn’t be
He’d do anything just to spend time with me
My world used to revolve around you
Now he’s my new moon

You often chose to be selfish
He’d grant me my every wish
You’d say you’re following my lead
He honors me with accountability
You held back and stood on the sidelines
He welcomes me in every time
You never saw the stars in my eyes
He says that I’m the brightest light in the sky

He’s everything you wouldn’t be
He’d do anything just to spend time with me
My world used to revolve around you
Now he’s my new moon

The axis of my heart points to love my true north
The craters of your past couldn’t let me be yours
The Universe works in synchronistic ways
The planets are aligned I’m cresting a new day

He’s everything you wouldn’t be
He’d do anything just to spend time with me
My world used to revolve around you
Now he’s my new moon

My world used to revolve around you
Now he’s my new moon